Overlap

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving weekend to everyone!  I will write more about that, but it has been nice to be in the States for Thanksgiving this year and I hope that everyone in both Uganda and the US had a good weekend.  

A few weeks ago I got to see two friends from Uganda which was wonderful.  Something I have been thinking about recently is the lack of overlap my life in the States has with my life in Uganda.  Both places have good things, great people and things I appreciate and enjoy.  But almost none of those things overlap- people, food, scenery, activities, work, etc.  Usually when you leave a job it does not also mean leaving your house, friends, all routines and even the country you are living in and starting up all that in a new place.  So, I have been trying to figure out how to have more overlap and getting to see people from Uganda definitely helps.  

First, I got to see Charity who was a UCU Honours College student and has been living in the States for 3 years.  He had some great perspectives on the States and what he misses about Uganda, and we were able to laugh about some differences.  I especially enjoyed talking about places and people we both know.

The next day I got to see Brendah, who had been an  intern at work earlier this year.  She is in the States for a year, and arrived a few months ago.  Brendah is still in a big period of adjustment and was so excited to see someone who knew Uganda!  We got to catch up on recent happenings in Uganda and on our new lives.  Last time I saw her was the day I left Uganda when she came to the airport with me!

On a walk in Wilmington

During debrief with the students we always talked about being an "integrator" between your experience in Uganda and your life in the States.  The other options are to be an "assimilator"(someone who just fits right back in with no change in their life because of their experience abroad) or an "alienator" (someone who refuses to accept any part of their home culture and life).  But being an integrator is hard and I think will take many other intentional visits with friends from Uganda and my own reflection on my life there and here.

To end this post, here are a few pictures of my family's Thanksgiving.  It was a different experience than my past Ugandan Thanksgivings but definitely a good one!

Thanksgiving deliciousness 

Happy participants

 Hope everyone had fun celebrating in their own way- whether it was with family or an outdoor dinner with other expats!

I am an American

One thing about living outside of your own country is it makes you very aware of your nationality.  It is not something you think about a lot while in your own country because it is not out of the ordinary.  However in Uganda my primary identity became American- strangers would ask me about being from America, the first way people would describe me to someone would be as an American and you become a lot more aware of other Americans that cross your path.  It helped me to realize the (good and bad) things that are a part of me because I am American.  One thing Americans love is being an individual- being seen as creative, smart, different in all the right ways.  But once you are outside of your culture it makes you realize how much a part of you that culture is.  I like this picture below with the American flag, even though I think I was originally pointing at the Hogwarts sign:

One thing I appreciated a lot more about the States after living in Uganda was our elections.  I was living in Uganda in 2008 when Obama was elected then inaugurated and Ugandans disbelief at the peaceful passing of power was very striking.  I remember during the inauguration there was a part where Bush and Obama got in to a limo together to go over to the swearing in and Ugandans were aghast that people from opposite parties could safely get in to a car together and no one would fear anything.  I also lived in Uganda in 2011 during their last presidential election and the (founded) fear of violence was palpable.  In Uganda there has never been a peaceful transition of power, so the fact that Americans can expect no election violence, a non violent transition if that is the way the vote goes and for their vote to be counted is remarkable.  I know everyone complains about the political ads and facebook updates but I actually loved the whole thing this fall- the NPR stories, the ads, the discussions- just the openness of it all.

When I went to vote last week I got to my polling station in PA around 7am thinking I could walk right in and then head to work.  Instead there were 130 people ahead of me and I waited outside for about an hour.  While it was cold and a little long I felt so American and glad to be there.  

Not my actual polling station but similar look!

I had a few good realizations about being a part of American culture while living in Uganda.  Like I mentioned above Americans tend to value individuality and Ugandans value community.  I think my realization in Uganda was that a balance between those two concepts is probably the healthiest- being willing to sacrifice for the good of others, but also having enough individual identity to discern when being different is a good thing and being open to new ideas.  Another cultural thing I realized was that America is a very casual culture in general- dress down, joke around and value everyone being treated as equals.  In Uganda the hierarchal culture brings a lot more respect and formality in certain situations, which can make Americans very uncomfortable (lots of good stories about this from students!) Again, another balance thing for me- realizing I like our "casual" culture but also valuing the respect aspect and being open to that.

One thing I noticed with many of our American students in Uganda was a very cynical attitude about being American, which can be easy to adopt around a lot of foreign policy and aid situations.  The longer I was in Uganda, though, I realized that being cynical about America was a reflection on ourselves- that our nationality is an almost unchangeable part of our identity and the best thing to do is understand how it is a part of us.  I think critical thinking is key but maybe we should let go of some of our cynicism.  I know for me that the past 5 years have given me a whole different perspective on my nationality and how I can appreciate it while still wrestling with the challenging and uncomfortable aspects.

Storm Reading

Thanks to Storm Sandy I had some extra time for reading this past week.  I was off work Monday and Tuesday and spent that time in PA, with the electricity out part of that time.  The book I had been reading, Running the Rift by Naomi Benaron, had been taking me a while because it is about Rwanda and I was dreading getting to the part about the genocide.  So when it hit April 1994 in the novel I stopped reading it at night (my main reading time) and waited to finish it until I could do it all in one sitting during daylight hours.  

The novel was well written, especially describing the landscape of Rwanda and the small details.  The main character's escape from the genocide rang true to the stories I have heard survivor's tell- of confusion, hiding, help from unexpected people and darkness.  A few days after starting the book a friend from Rwanda, who was visiting the States, called to say hello and I asked him if he had heard of the book.  He said no but he was interested to read it, so I will keep you posted if I get his review!  The book is written by a Westerner but from the perspective of a Rwandan- overall I think she did a good job but would be interested to hear what Rwandans think.  I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in Africa, Rwanda or just a good story but be warned there are difficult parts.

Other reading material during the storm was the magazine Afar.  I had picked up the magazine a few times when visiting the States and subscribed to it after moving back.  The most recent edition looked like this:

It took me a few minutes to realize that of course the cover is Uganda!  The matoke is a giveaway.  There is a long article about a trip to Uganda to visit a friend and do some touring of the country.  A lot of the focus was on the gorillas but there were other good descriptions of Kampala, the countryside, etc.  I especially like the pictures on this page, the mongoose looks just like the ones that were in my yard:

I would recommend this magazine, the articles and photos are usually great.  It is interesting to see how many small things remind me of Uganda (or Rwanda) in the midst of daily life in the States.

Housewarming

Yesterday I had a Housewarming Party to celebrate being all moved in to my new place.  It has been 7 weeks since I moved in and a lot of household work has been done in that time- purchasing furniture and rugs, hanging art and curtains and deciding where all my decorative items will go.  It has been a team effort with special help from my parents especially!  Friday night I did a thorough cleaning of the house, along with some serious food prep, and here is the house all ready for guests:

I had decided to have the party as a brunch from 10am-12:30pm so there were lots of egg dishes, baked  goods and Halloween treats.  Below are some guests enjoying the food spread!

There were about 25 people who came- a  mix of family, old friends, new friends, coworkers, new neighbors and people from church.  It was a meeting of many worlds and everyone did a great job introducing themselves and getting to know each other.  One special thing was my Aunt Janna from Arizona was in town and was able to be there.  She is an interior decorator and gave my place her approval so I guess it means the house is looking good!

Aunt Janna with Jen and Bethany

Other party guests- Kyle, Brady and Rob

Everyone brought very thoughtful gifts- ranging from bottles of wine, kitchen items, candles, a plant and gift certificates to local shops.  Here I am opening up some gifts:

Teresa keeping track of my gifts with presents spread out behind her

I am definitely feeling good about being pretty much set with all I need.  Today I will be figuring out where to store my new items and maybe doing a little kitchen rearranging, while also keeping track of the impending hurricane/ tropical storm.

In some ways it is hard to believe I have only been in this place for about 2 months, and I am grateful that everyday is feels more like mine.  Having the party yesterday was a fun way for people to see my new home and now it truly feels "warmed".  

A Walk in the Park?

This morning I took a walk in the park near my house.  All the pictures are from this morning- it is really looking and feeling like fall!  The above picture was probably the most spectacular tree.  

I was thinking about the past months and how so much has happened- in a lot of ways my transition from Uganda has been somewhat easy- getting a job quickly, finding a place to live, having some transition time, getting to be near friends and family.  I was also thinking, though, how it has still been overwhelming and tiring- so many decisions to make and things to learn.  It feels like I am still figuring out my new life in many ways.  

The "steps to repatriation" I posted about a month ago also came with some steps for surviving to thriving in repatriating.  I posted them below (originally from the site expatwomen.com) and thought I would write after each one how I think I am doing on that step (my thoughts are in orange)...

From Surviving To Thriving

Here are my five tips to help move you from surviving to thriving as a repatriate:

1.	Follow Your Joy. If there was ever a time to take care of yourself, it is now. Each day, ask yourself what will bring you joy and do it. Your joy path shall be sacred and nothing shall hinder you from fulfilling it each day. It can be as simple as spending five quiet moments in silence, taking a walk or calling a friend, but you must set aside time for this as a non-negotiable. I have been trying to do these things- even the things they suggest: talking to friends, taking a walk (like today!), having some silence.  It is sometimes hard to know how to fit these things in with the responsibilities of work and life but it is good to be reminded.  I have still been reading a lot, especially before bed, so that has been a carry over from my Uganda life.
2.	Pace of Grace. Maintain a pace that is sustainable as you acclimate to your new surroundings. Do not go chasing after the wind. You may have an unlimited number of choices for entertainment and activities, but withhold from signing up for everything until you have your bearings secure. Be an observer while you settle-in. Rest. Be easy on yourself and on others in your family. This seems to relate to #1, and it is interesting because this is what I always told students in debrief- give yourself and others some grace.  Some things I have just put off- such as changing my state residency- until I feel more settled, and some things I have said no to, but discerning the necessary from the filler can be hard.  And it is so true about choices for entertainment, that is fun but also overwhelming!  I do sometimes miss how special things could be in Uganda- a specific food or activity could be such a treat where here things are available all the time.  I would say this one is probably a constant process.
3.	Refuge. Regardless of whether you are single or have a family, you need to have a refuge to return to. Create a sacred center within the context of a physical or emotional/spiritual place to be your refuge or resting place. Getting my own place pretty quickly has helped with this one.  Since work is full of wall to wall people all the time, I really appreciate having a "refuge" to come home to.
4.	Make Local Connections. A clever strategy whether you move home or abroad, is to always befriend at least one local person, find one local place and find one local activity where you can connect locally to help you during your first year. Focus on finding at least one of each when you repatriate: you can always add more later. This one I am working on- I have found my favorite coffee shop, a church within walking distance and joined a Bible study.  I am still getting to know both Wilmington and the town where I work, and mostly enjoying that process.  It is a lot of new people, though, and a lot of names and stories to learn.
5.	One Year. Prepare yourself. lf for at least a one-year adjustment period. It may take longer, but the one-year mark is a good opportunity to reevaluate what else you might need to make your new home, truly feel like home. Good to know!  Right now it feels like I should be all settled but it is helpful to be reminded that I'll be experiencing new things all year long.

Birthday

Last weekend I celebrated my 33rd birthday.  It happened to be during my 10 year college reunion/ Homecoming which meant I was in Boston for the weekend, not a bad place to be!  I already posted some pictures on FB so here is one picture of the chapel where I spent many hours of my time in college:

Gordon chapel

 It was a great weekend of friends, family, reminiscing and catching up.  And birthday celebrations!

I realized during this birthday how living in Uganda changed my perspective on getting older.  Generally, in America we don't want to age or look older.  People are hesitant to share their age and it is considered rude to ask.  In Uganda the attitude was more of- Thank the Lord I have made it this far!  What a blessing to receive another year of life!  I think this is partly because the average life span for Ugandans is 54 (I just looked that up, but might have guessed younger).  Also, with life often feeling more precarious and less in control, it does feel like the work of God to survive traveling on the roads, tropical illnesses, etc.   So I am feeling very blessed to have made it to 33 and hope to look forward to getting older and never complaining about aging.

One plus of being Stateside for this birthday was getting to celebrate with my family for the first time in 5 years.  I have always liked having a fall birthday and appreciated that it actually felt like fall this weekend when we celebrated.  Part of our time was outside around this ceramic stove (direct from Maine):

Aiden and the fire

 Then we had a great meal and birthday celebration.  Overall, it was a fun birthday week- thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes.

Family

Also, a quick house update from this weekend.  I had bought a set of table and chairs the day I moved in and had been wanting to re-cover the seats.  It seemed like a daunting project to me, but thanks to my sister-in-law and fabric.com, it looks great!  After celebrating my birthday we got out the staple gun and fabric and covered the seats, below is the before and after:

I put the seats back on yesterday and am very pleased with how it turned out!  It still feels like there are a lot of small things to do in the house, but it feels good to complete a project and see a pretty big difference.

Events

While living in Uganda the past 4.5 years I have missed out on a lot of family birthday parties, a graduation, a good friend's wedding and other significant life events for people in the States.  One of the reasons I was looking forward to moving back was to be able to participate in these times of celebration.  Yesterday was Brady's first birthday party and I was thinking about how grateful I was to be there with this little guy:

I know there are many more parties and events to look forward to!  I am also grateful for all the birthdays and events I got to celebrate with people in Uganda. Seeing how a different culture celebrates gave me a different perspective on aging, and what is worthy of a party. 

 Here are some other pictures from the party yesterday, I just downloaded Instagram so this is my first try on these photos!

Birthday Boy

The party scene from the tree house

Cake pops!

Jen, the great party organizer

Sister time

Buddies

Repatriation

This past week a friend sent me some encouraging words about adjusting back to life in the States.  There were a couple parts that were helpful, and I thought I would write about one interesting section.  It goes through the 10 stages of "repatriation", a word I had not heard before.  It refers to someone who has moved back to their home culture as a repatriate (in comparison to an expatriate I suppose).  It was helpful to see the stages laid out, and especially that it talks about the process taking a year.  Reading through them I would guess I am somewhere in stages 2-4, especially the creation of a home, community and professional life.  Here are the stages:

Stage 1: Honeymoon: The joy of rediscovering what is charming and unique about your home country.

Stage 2: Settling-In: The creation process for home life, community life and professional life – which will be an ongoing list of tasks to completed over time.

Stage 3: Foreigner: Loneliness sets in sometime during the Settling-In stage. After there is some semblance of order and routine in place and there is space to sit down for a moment, the reality of repatriation can strike and the longing for your former life abroad can start to make you feel like you are missing out on something.

Stage 4: Dating: Our need for relationships leads us to begin extending ourselves in search of friendship and community. We begin "dating" potential friends in search of rhythm and synchronicity.

Stage 5: Overwhelm: We have come a long way but we are not there yet and we are tired at this stage. The task of creating community can be overwhelming. We must dig deep for fortitude and stamina to continue the journey.

Stage 6: Redefining Me: This is the stage in which we ask ourselves, "Who am I now?" and compare it to "Who was I abroad?" We then should be determining "What are the best parts of each?" and combining them and moving forward.

Stage 7: Am I There Yet: Right about now, we believe we should be over the transition. However, discouragement, fear and grief surface and surprise us. It is time to take a deep breath and be at peace with the feelings, regardless of what they are.

Stage 8: Acceptance: Acceptance of what is: the good, the bad, the ugly, the successes, the joys and the graceful moments. This is the big letting go.

Stage 9: Personal Flow: Our exotic past and current life integrate and we (should) find personal flow emotionally, mentally and physically.

Stage 10: Home: The time when you can peacefully say "I am home". Time to celebrate! 

Some  of these stages don't sound fun (especially #5!) but it does help normalize things.  They also gave some suggestions for the process which I might write about more in a later post.

I'll end with some pictures of the Stage 2 process as I continued to set up my new apartment this past week.  The picture below is of the turret with the perfectly fitting couch!  I already love the spot for reading or relaxing.  Next I need to work on getting some different curtains and a rug...

So far I have not hung anything on the walls but am hoping to do some of that tomorrow.  I also have a stack of things I want to get framed.  Below are a few new pieces and one I brought back from Uganda (thanks, Rachel!), I am thinking they will make it feel more home-like.  

So that is the update from here. Still waiting on internet in my apartment but hoping that will come soon and blogging can continue!

Moving Day

Yesterday I moved in to my new place in Wilmington.  As I mentioned before I had worked on packing up stuff last weekend and also had lots of stuff in storage from pre-Uganda.  I took some pictures along the way of the moving process, I had some great help!  We were trying to beat an impending storm that was moving towards the East Coast.

My little car all loaded and ready to go

Aaron and Kyle actively loading my heaviest piece of furniture

I bought a table and chairs on moving day!  We wait for the trailer to arrive.

The ladies who helped me move- so great.

Starting the unpacking process.  This bin was packed in Uganda and just reopened- nothing broken, thanks Abby!

Walking to frozen yogurt to end the move!  The storm is moving in behind us.

Now I am in the process of making lists of what I need to get, deciding where all my decorative items will go and getting familiar with a new place.  I slept there last night and it was surprisingly quiet for a city, so hopefully that will continue!    I'm grateful that I have furniture to get me started and many people who are willing to help with the process.  Will try to continue posting pictures as I am more moved in!

Settling In

The past week was my first full work week.  I learned more of my routine- what time I need to get up to make it to work, getting to know coworkers and clients and how often I will see all of them, finding out about weekly or monthly meetings I will be attending.  There still seems like a LOT to learn, especially in terms of resources in the area for clients and how to best direct people.  I am trying to give myself some time although it is frustrating not to know all the information people need right away.

One small project I worked on was making the desk I inherited more like mine.  I got some pictures and memorable things to help it feel personal.  Some of you may see pictures of yourselves, plus things from my Kenya trip, and recently purchased items in California and Maine.  I also got a new desk chair which greatly improves the comfort level!

 The next big settling time will come with my move next weekend.  I've been staying with Teresa and will move in to my new apartment on Saturday.  The past 24 hours has been a lot of sorting through boxes and packing at my parents.  I am actually surprised how much stuff I have!  A lot of it has been in storage for my whole Uganda time or longer, so it has been interesting to see old photos or mementos. Here is a small portion of the items to be moved:

I've been thinking a lot about what I'll need for the new place.  I've never lived alone in the US so will need to buy or borrow some furniture and kitchen items along with other needed things like cleaning supplies and kitchen staples.  I went in the apartment one more time this week and have been wondering how to decorate and fill some of the spaces.  There is a great turret but I am trying to figure out what will fit there- a couch, round table, chair??  Lots to be decided as the move happens.

The turret area

This has been my first Labor Day off in a while and I have loved the 3 day weekend, despite lots of rain.  I am still doing a lot of adjusting and appreciating any down time for reflecting and transition.    Hopefully as more "settling" goes on, it will feel less like transition and more like normal life.